creativity and authenticity
Dear readers,
For some bizarre reason, I thought that it would never be difficult to write a bear-blog post. I always thought, despite my struggles with feeling strange, self-imposed pressure with virtually every other form of creativity (particularly in the written word), that this blog would be a simple exercise. I even tried to convince myself that I wasn't writing it to share, instead just quietly exposing my work in a corner of the internet, but realistically I think I crave my writing being read. Not necessarily for likes and views, but just the thrill of knowing that someone has seen it.
Sometimes, scrolling through social media, particularly Pinterest, it feels that I am not merely collecting inspiration, but instead 'vetting' my own creativity. I am desperate to make sure that whatever I'm planning fits into the mould of what already exists, which is (often) antithetical to the nature of art and creativity itself. Whether it be in the style of a zine, a journal page, a painting, or a sketchbook spread, I am afraid, in a way, of creating authentically, because I worry that if I don't cross-reference, I might be creating 'incorrectly'.
I was discussing this concept with one of my dear friends, and they called it 'filtering through an imaginary audience', which is an exact description of what I feel. I expect that some of you feel the same way.
This developed habit is now something that I am now endeavouring, as best I can, to rectify. Maybe this blog can become some kind of exposure therapy, in which I can create as authentically as possible while also being unequivocally exposed.
Ultimately, I know that the only thing that you can ever be is yourself. To live any other way is to miss out on a lot from life, to miss out on your personal truths: your real desires, interests, creations, and soul. This is something my philosophical favourites, Camus and de Beauvoir, in parallel ways, arrived at: the necessity of living as lucidly as possible in the absence of any kind of certainty, becoming oneself through the unending process of choosing.
Thank you for reading!
Signed in invisible ink, luminula xxx